Ambush Interview #2: Michael Peters

Ambush interview number 2 is with local (recently) unemployed man and all around American hero Michael Patrick Peters. Mike is an expert in all 5 disciplines of the legendary pentacle of beer drinking (funneling, shotgunning, chugging, keg stand and Das Boot!) and has a penchant for canned Mandarin oranges. As a fellow PS3 owner I can only describe his tastes in electronics as "impeccable. On to the interview:


Mike is momentarily stunned by the ambush but then circles the wagons to prepare defense against Notes on the Run's onslaught!

1) Can Mustard go bad?

Mustard cannot go bad in a phsyical sense but it can go bad in a moral sense. I've seen it happen before and it's not pretty. Nothing says Thanksgiving at the Peters' house like getting pistol whipped by an ill tempered bottle of honey dijon. All I wanted was the goddamn mashed potatoes.

2) What celebrity would you most like to see funnel a beer?

Without a doubt the celebrity I would most like to see funnel a beer is TV's Terry O'Quinn, aka John Locke. He'd funnel the beer and then tell me about how it was the will of the Island that he get shitfaced. Maybe after that we'd toss some knives at helicopter pilots and play some drinking backgammon. It's like regular backgammon but it doesn't suck.

3) Playstation 3: Great video game system OR the greatest videogame system?

The Playstation 3 is neither a great video game system or the greatest video game system. I contend that the PS3 transcends even the mere monniker of a "video game system". It is the greatest electronic device ever created by man. Video games, wireless internet, media serving, Blu Ray player, and I swear to God yesterday my PS3 updated my resume for me. As I type this it's crafting a ship in a bottle USING ONLY IT'S MIND! If the grim apocolyptic future set forth in the Terminator movies ever comes true bet your ass Skynet is just a cluster of Linux enabled PS3s. And in this new future Xbox 360 owners will be burned alive on a pile of their own shoddy overheating consoles and Wii owners will be pitted against each other in a violent deathsport. All wirelessly broadcast over the Playstation Network and updated every Thursday.

4) What's up with the new Doritos logo?

Doritos has a new logo? I haven't paid attention to their brand since they got rid of those commercials with Ali Landry doing the splits.

5) Will you be instituting a strict "no-pants-before-noon" poilcy during your unemployment.

I have already instated a very liberal "no-pants" policy for my job-hunt. The policy can be summed up as "avoid wearing pants at all costs". I'm not even wearing pants as I conduct this interview and I wasn't allowed into Kroger last night due to my pantsless nature (for more information please check your local filing office for Peters' Wang v. Kroger).

There you go. Interview accomplished. Now if you'll excuse me, the PS3 and I are going to the country club for some doubles tennis.